We did not move last week as planned. The folks on the other side of one of the transactions did not have their financial picture quite as buttoned up as one might hope, and so at 5:20 the night before the movers were coming…I was leaving a message with the movers, begging them to call me in the morning.
It has been six longish days of uncertainty and adaptation. I’m sure there are deep spiritual lessons in here somewhere. Or maybe I’m just sure that a year from now, this will be a funny story. I’ve learned that I’m better at waiting than I thought I’d be…and that I still hate it. Perhaps the definition of “maturity” is handling life’s down cycles better than one might expect.
In the midst of this, I find myself toggling back & forth between two poles: rational despair that nothing ever really works out the way you hope it will, and irrational certainty that miracles are readily available. It’s a strange way to be. My prayers these days are mostly quizzical glances skyward, asking God, “Want to fill me in on what You’re doing here?” Thus far, He has declined to fill me in. But that could change at any moment, which I guess is the bedrock of my experience of faith – knowing that sometimes, God breaks in and shows Himself.
In the meantime, I’m grateful for all the distractions we complain about when we talk about how life has become too cluttered and busy for us to slow down and notice what is really going one. When life is going SLOW and you’re waiting and it seems like NOTHING AT ALL is really going on…clutter and busy-ness are your friends :)
As dumb as it sounds, it’s fun to have things to be grateful for in the midst of this weird week.